Whether you are expecting your first or your fifth baby, Mother Blessings provide a time and place to focus on the transformation that a new baby brings to your life.  These ceremonies differ from baby showers in a few ways:
1. More focus is on the mother's connection to herself and her circle of women, receiving their support. 
2. More focus is on preparing the mother for birth and motherhood.
3. Less focus is on the baby and gifts for the baby.
 
Australian postpartum doula Julia Jones says, "The birth of a mother can be more intense than childbirth." We don't hear about this much in our society, but I believe it to be true. In the US, the focus tends to be on pregnancy, birth, and the baby. As a postpartum doula, I work to shift the focus and celebration to the HUGE TRANSITION that a new baby brings to a mother's life. Mother Blessing Ceremonies are a great way to start that shift!
 
Here is the scene: the space is intimate, peaceful, gentle, and subtle. The list of attendees is be kept small, between 5-10 guests, with no invitations out of mere courtesy, but people who are supportive of the mother's philosophies on pregnancy, birth, and parenting. The elements of the ceremony might include sharing poetry, blessings, or prayers; singing; creating a visual symbol of support - a mobile made by the group, string tied around each woman's wrist, or candles that will be lit when labor begins; and feasting (yum!). 
 
Depending on the expectant mother's style, personality, and preferences, her Mother Blessing gathering can take many different forms. It can be spiritual or secular; formal or relaxed; focused on art, words, silence, or food. In the end, the intention is to focus on connection and support.  These elements go a long way in helping a woman on her birth- and motherhood- journeys. 
 
I chose to have Mother Blessing Ceremonies before the births of each of my 2 children. The first one, in 2006 was held in the community where I grew up, and included about 15 women (mostly my generation and their moms). Everyone brought a poem (I still have them all in a scrapbook my sister made) and a piece of 2-dimensional art to be added to a birth collage, which I planned to have with me in the hospital room when I gave birth (which didn't happen, but that's another story). There were so many unknowns, and it helped to hear many of the other moms in the group share their birth stories. This gathering was followed by a bigger party and baby shower.  All of our families joined us as we feasted and opened gifts. It was all lovely; my husband and I felt super loved-up and exhausted at the end of it. When our son was born, this same group of people brought us food and checked in with us as we transitioned to parenthood. 
 
The ceremony that my sister led just before the birth of my second child 6 years later, was a different scene.  Held at a good friend's home, there were seven women with me in the circle. I had two miscarriages before this pregnancy, and with heightened emotions, this intimate gathering was just what I needed as I was about to give birth. We all decorated cardboard birds to be hung on a mobile, and then, in a circle, each woman spoke from her heart to share a blessing just for me.  My tears flowed as I received words of honesty, admiration, and support. Next, I was asked to speak about my pregnancy journey. Each woman wrote down words phrases that stood out to her. Two friends collected the papers and a few weeks later, used them as inspiration to compose a song for baby Alma. Hearing myself speak about my own journey was an amazing gift, as was the song that I still sing to 3-year-old Alma. This sweet ceremony was followed by painting my big belly with henna, and a relaxed and delicious multi-course meal. As I fell asleep next to my husband that night, I felt so ready to bring Alma into the world. 
 
From these experiences, and attending and hosting ceremonies for other mamas, I can say that Mother Blessings are wonderful whether held in addition to baby showers or instead of them.  After your first baby, you often don't need all the stuff for the baby, but for every birth, you need the support and love of your community. The members of your circle of support want to raise you up in this holy time of life. 
 
I celebrate you, Sweet Mama!
 
Note: Mother Blessings are based on Blessingways, a Navajo (Diné) tradition of marking rites of passage. I choose not to use the word 'blessingway' out of respect for a tradition I do not belong to.

There are multitudes of parenting books on the market, some of them real gems. There are also some amazing books that aid us in our parenting journey that aren't specifically meant for parents. Two of these have been particularly helpful to me, both as a parent and more generally as a human being trying to make sense of myself and the world in which we live:
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Sometimes, the influx of postpartum visitors can put the added strains of cleaning, cooking, and entertaining on exhausted and overwhelmed new mothers.  Ideally, during the first week or two after birth, mothers should be resting and bonding with their new babies. This printable sign helps remind visitors of ways that they can be helpful while supporting the new family.   

By Molly Rouse

There is something about a new baby that makes most of us want to shell out the big bucks. The makers of all the baby paraphernalia know this, and they market their products well. Our culture is very focused on material objects, and having all 'the right stuff.' In my opinion, we only NEED a few material things: clothing for the baby, diapers, a way to wear your baby, a car seat, and a safe place for baby to sleep. While a few other things are nice to have too (ex: a breast pump, swaddling blankets, burp cloths, etc), we are social animals going through the transformation into parenthood, and what we need is SUPPORT.  

Support from friends, family, and doulas sets everyone up for success. We need people to really hear and see us, to know how we are doing. Having a baby is supposed to be joyous,  a celebration for the entire community! The reality, however, is that far too many new moms are isolated at home with their infant(s), struggling to keep themselves and baby fed, clean and rested, AND keep up with all the other things that fill their lives with meaning. Sometimes our communities don't know HOW to support us, or even that we need support in this extra-ordinary time.

Lack of support can lead to weak bonds between mothers and babies; it can also lead to depression and anxiety, child abuse, and stress that overflows...affecting our entire society. I like to daydream about what our world would be like if everyone had support during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.  I think the world would be a radically better place if we were all honored as babies, our needs were met, and there was a whole network of support for our parents.

Enter the postpartum doula! She comes to your home a couple of times a week and gets your home in order; makes sure you are fed, hydrated, and have food easily accessible for the next couple of days; wears your baby while you rest/ shower/ go for a walk; helps you and baby learn the delicate dance of breastfeeding; listens to your story, hears your questions without judgement, and gives you evidence-based information so that you can make informed decisions. When she isn't there, you can call or text her when you have questions or need to talk. She supports your partner as s/he learns the ropes of a new role. She shares information on community resources - everything from massage to therapy to parent/baby activities- that would best support your family. She is the fairy godmother of support! Your friends and family far and wide don't need to buy you rattles, or more footed pjs (no matter how stinking cute they are) that will only fit for a month or two; they can contribute to SUPPORT!

You can put postpartum doula services on your baby registry (go to BabyList.com) or loved ones can get gift certificates for our services at laborwithlovedoulas.com.What is this service worth in dollars? A gazillion (that was my son's answer)! The postpartum period sets the stage for your child's life. Working with parents and babies is my heart's calling, and I see that the families I support are helping my daydream become reality.